"I am sorry to have to smite Mr Williams but the team's performances recently have not been good enough and attendances have fallen to an all-time low. I would like record our gratitude for his work and express our disappointment that the relationship has ended but we need to remain competitive on all fronts, especially as the Muslim United team are challenging strongly."
Williams is said to be "dishevelled and hysterical" by his dismissal
Williams's reign was dogged by reports of the kind of changing-room unrest that previous Anglican managers have said led to their own downfall; there have been consistent reports of ongoing battles with senior players, such as Didier Sentamu. His team talks have been incomprehensible and he has lost too many players to hated rivals, The Catholics. The final straw appears to have been Williams desire to pick openly gay players for the first team.
There is no doubt who Anglican fans would like to see replace Williams - their favourite former messiah, Jose Christinho. However, doubts remain that Christinho will agree to a Second Coming, after the way God got rid of him the last time. He is said to still bear the scars of that ordeal and cannot understand why God forsook him. If there is no miraculous return, then Sentamu may become the first gap-toothed manager of the Anglicans.
Sentamu in the Anglicans new away kit
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