Daily Hate:
Paedophile Nazi Clegg and TV's Kerry Katona tortured hard working, tax-paying British kittens in grotto of shame. Wife believed to be foreign.
The Fear:
Cocaine Cleggy smears Joanna Lumley's blood on Cenotaph before kicking maimed Afghan hero up the arse with his subsidy-loving Euro-boots.
Daily Express:
Welfare cheat Clegg urinates on Princess of Hearts grave while rubbing radioactive waste on grieving Prince William's bald patch
Heat Magazine:
Dirty love rat and illegal immigrant Clegg is having torrid affair with disgraced John Terry. Exclusive photos of loving couple holding hands while Terry attempts to clear corner against Bolton Wanderers.
The Daily Xenophobe:
Alcoholic homosexual Clegg uses photo of Churchill to wipe bottom and snorts cannabis off Union Jack while singing 'Deutschland uber Alles'. Vote Conservative.
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