Tuesday saw the launch of the Conservative Party manifesto, although it was obviously overshadowed by Plaid Cymru's manifesto launch on the same day. Heads will assuredly roll for that oversight. It took place at Battersea Power Station (send the invoice to Lord Ashcroft, A Big House, Belize) and we were treated to endless shots of the enormous, derelict, smoke-ravaged ruin before the cameras moved away from Ken Clarke and focussed on the building. Famously, Pink Floyd's 1977 album, 'Animals', showed a pig floating between two of its chimneys but, disappointingly, the Conservatives failed to take up my idea of floating an enormous inflatable Eric Pickles above the site. Loud music was pumped at the assembled throng, including David Bowie's 'Changes'; I think 'Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars' would have been more appropriate.
The young Tory activists were clad in sky-blue T-shirts, making it look as though a busload of Man City fans had rolled up at the wrong fixture; Theresa May went one step further and wore what appeared to be a sky-blue space suit, sadly without the helmet. The manifesto bears the following legend on the cover: 'Invitation to Join the Government of Britain'. Now, I know the Shadow Cabinet is not up to much but I didn't realise Dave was going to use the manifesto to advertise their jobs.
The launch was interminable; even Caroline Spelman (who's she?) was allowed to waffle about something for 10 minutes. Sadly, the Shadow Homophobic Secretary, Chris Grayling, was kept well away from the microphone, so we were spared his views on whether gays should be allowed in disused power stations. "POWER TO THE PEOPLE!", bellowed 'Wolfie' Cameron (or should that be 'Puppy'?), fist raised, as he nicked Citizen Smith's rallying cry from the '70's sitcom: "If you elect us on 6 May, you will be in power on 7 May". We will all be invited to form our own schools, police forces, hospitals, pubs, armed forces, nuclear deterrents, etc. while the Government looks after.......er...... what exactly?
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